I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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