dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
