where am i from again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
