4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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