I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
