I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I supernannyed him into submission
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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