I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
