I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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