before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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