I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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