3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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