please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
