His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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