I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hippo gnu deer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
