So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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