He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
