What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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