I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
