I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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