I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
