I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
