I should be sponsored by Trojan
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
