I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
