it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
