my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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