My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
