Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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