Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
They are going to name an STD after you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
