He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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