did you get engaged???
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
