i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
