i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
