if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
