I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
