dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
