I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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