Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
