all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
