So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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