so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
