oh fat girl friday strikes again...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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