Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
