Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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