I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
