dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
