12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
