Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
