My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
