do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
