Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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